Something Evil Is Among Us
There’s no time like the present. And I don’t mean that in the usual sense. My inbox is full of emails from every CEO of every company I’ve ever ordered anything from, plus those professional organizations and entities with whom I am affiliated. Everyone wants me to know what they’re doing to protect me from the latest coronavirus while still meeting my needs—even though they are several thousand miles away. National and state funeral service organizations are constantly updating their suggestions and offering guidance in what is proving to be an ever-changing situation. One forum allows me to hear from directors all across the country as they struggle to find that balance between “don’t let anyone in your building” and “strive to assist the families with what they need in their time of loss”. There does’t seem to be any happy medium here. That initial no-more-than-50-people guideline rapidly dropped to 10. Rhode Island has imposed a mandatory 25 person limit so directors across the state had to start canceling visitations and requiring guest lists for services. It was the only way they could insure compliance while allowing the families the maximum attendance. Think about your family. If it’s a large one, which 25 people would you invite to a funeral? And who gets the privilege of calling everyone else and telling them to stay home?
Those in some of the hardest hit areas have begun conducting arrangement conferences by phone, email, or video conference. If a family has to come to their building, they are limiting the number making arrangements to no more than two. And there are no visitations, only graveside services. The hope in these areas is that families will take advantage of offers to hold public memorial services at a later date—at no additional cost to them—so the life of their loved one can be appropriately honored without fear of infecting the world. Still another option offered by some is a private family visitation followed by a private family service, again with a more public service held later. And webcasting and live-streaming are now the buzz words of the profession. But even those options have obstacles, mainly in the legalities of using copyrighted music.
I’ve learned way more stuff in the last few days than I ever thought I would need or want to know.
It’s hard for those of us in presently unaffected areas to fathom how we’ve landed where we are. It’s hard for us to comprehend the severity of this health crisis because we aren’t seeing it where we live. But we will, and the only way to lessen the consequences of the illness is to lessen its opportunities to spread.
I know there are folks who believe this is a hoax. I know there are folks who firmly believe this is a plot by the Democrats to rule the world . . . or at least the government of the United States. I know there are folks who think some rogue country has unleashed a biochemical weapon on all the rest of us—that this is a man-made disaster . . . like any of that makes the end result of this mess any different. The fact of the matter is, something evil is among us, in this particular instance, the evil being a new and unfamiliar strain of the coronavirus.
And with this evil comes change. For the high school seniors, it means no prom and possibly no graduation ceremony. For college students, it means end of the year events have been canceled and students have been told to pack up what they need and go home. Church services and other congregational gatherings have been canceled. Sporting events are no longer being held and leagues are canceling entire seasons so the fans will stay at home . . . or at least away. Weddings and vacations are being postponed because venues are being closed so people will not gather. Concerts, Broadway shows, local performances . . . you name it and if it’s a gathering of any size, it isn’t anymore.
Through all the trials and tribulations I hope you’ll remember a few important points—listed in no particular order:
- It isn’t just about me . . . or you. Many of those who contract COVID-19 will never know they had it. The symptoms will be mild to non-existent—but they will still be carriers. I don’t want my grandchildren infected. I don’t want my elderly in-laws infected. I would prefer not to have it, but the world won’t end if I do—unless I pass it along to my grandchildren and in-laws. So when I’m told to avoid crowds, I need to avoid crowds. If the time comes that I’m told to stay at home, I need to stay at home. Maybe then I can clean out the closets and catch up on my reading.
- If we don’t take care of each other, we’re never going to get through this. So check on your elderly neighbors and family members. Drop their groceries off on the porch or pick up their mail for them. Don’t make them get out in the world if they don’t absolutely have to. And quit buying all the toilet paper. And the hand sanitizer. And the bread and the eggs and the milk and all the other things you think you have to have if you get quarantined. Remember there are other people in this world who also need these things. The selfishness of the general public has made it nearly impossible for many people to find what they need just to survive.
- Remember the people who are on the front lines: the medical professionals who are being overwhelmed and understaffed, the truckers who are working overtime to try and stay ahead of the shelf-emptying public, the suppliers that are frantically trying to keep up with the demand. And I’m gonna throw the funeral directors in there, too; we are one of the professions that will still be working when everyone else goes home. There are difficult decisions that have been and will continue to be made by funeral directors across our country, decisions that go against everything we believe. Despite our best efforts and all our good intentions, there will be families who will have a difficult time understanding or accepting what we may be called upon to do.
- When the hard decisions are made . . . by the schools and the churches, by the stores and yes, even the funeral homes . . . remember that it isn’t being done to hurt you. The goal is to protect everyone, especially the weakest among us, and there are moments when the steps needed to accomplish that goal will be unpleasant or even painful. It isn’t helpful to rant. It isn’t helpful to get angry or frustrated or refuse to comply. Somewhere there will be a silver lining. Look for it, even if you have to look really hard. And when you find it, focus on it.
We’re all in this together, and together is the only way we’ll get out.
About the author: Lisa Shackelford Thomas is a fourth generation member of a family that’s been in funeral service since 1926. She has been employed at Shackelford Funeral Directors in Savannah, Tennessee for over 40 years and currently serves as the manager there. Any opinions expressed here are hers and hers alone, and may or may not reflect the opinions of other Shackelford family members or staff.
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